The Big S

Lots of people ask how you explain to a child that their sibling has cancer. That was certainly something that was playing on our minds after the news had sunk in ourselves. Here was our attempt to explain to Louis’ big sis, Isabelle.…

Isabelle Laa Laa Land

We’ve always wondered what is going through Isabelle’s mind. It seems such a blissful and care-free place. Kids can be so blunt. She once asked someone why their belly was so big and the next time we saw them they were on Weight Watchers(!). Luckily, there is plenty of help to explain this to kids, who may think it’s their fault or that they may catch it. We didn’t want to lie to Isabelle – but also didn’t want to alarm her unnecessarily. The hospital provided some lovely books that told a story that she could relate to but also help us with the language to use when the time was right.

The Script

The script was carefully manicured. It went something like this – and was followed with a softener in the form of a McDonalds Happy Meal and a toy. Daddy delivered this after lunch as opposed to before bed so that there was time to digest, ask questions and not give bad dreams.

• Isabelle, you’re getting to be a big girl and therefore we wanted to tell you about your Louis and explain why he is so poorly.

• You know you said that Louis has a potato in his eye, well it's not quite a potato, it is a lump though and the doctors call it cancer. There are lots of different types - some make you more poorly than others.

• To make sure he doesn’t get really, really poorly, the doctors have said he needs to stay in hospital for a long time - so sadly he won't be around for your birthday, daddy’s birthday or his own birthday.

• The doctors need to give him some special medicine to melt away the lump and make him better.

• You can't catch it like you can with the Corona virus where you get it from being near people – so don’t worry that you, mummy or me have it.

• The medicine is not very nice at all and is something called chemo. It doesn’t taste good like calpol, it will actually make Louis feel a bit sick and does silly stuff like make his hair fall out – but it will grow back. Although the medicine might make him a bit poorly at first, it will make him better in the end.

• You don’t need to worry about medicine you take making your hair fall out – Louis’s medicine is a special medicine that is only given to people that have cancer.

• The special medicine means he can get colds very easily and that can make him really sick - so the doctors need to protect him by only letting one person be with him at once – and that needs to be mummy or daddy only. I know that this will make you a bit sad because you won’t be able to cuddle him – but you can see him every day on the phone.

• It also means mummy and daddy need to take it in turns to stay with Louis at the hospital. That means one week you’ll be with me at home and the next week with mummy at home – and we can have lots of cuddles when we see you. Mummy or daddy will always be here with you at home.

• You know when you see stories about people in hospital that people give them flowers and presents. Well because Louis is poorly and will be sad a lot, people may give him things to try and make him happy - you can do the same and send him stuff when you want to. He will love a present from his sister. I know that you will think that it is unfair but just think how lucky you are being at home, going on play dates and having lots of fun. Louis isn't able to do that as he has to stay in his room all the time so he needs things to make him happy and to keep him occupied. Always remember that we love you very much as well.

• Mummy is going to show you a book that the hospital gave her about cancer when she comes home next week so she can read it to you and you can learn a bit more about it

• If you ever feel sad or worried or want to ask questions, please let mummy or daddy know and we can have a cuddle and talk about it.

• Does that make sense to you – have you got any questions you want to ask.

The Aftermath?

After delivering this, there were 1-2 minor questions. Isabelle then pointed out that there were advantages to this situation, namely that she could have the trampoline to herself and jump high without Louis moaning. Also, no negotiation over what to watch on TV – no Peppa Pig. Then a pause…..so Daddy, can I go and play with my new toys now? We are sure there will be many more questions in time and she knows that we are always here. But for now as the saying goes, ignorance is bliss!

Mummy followed up with a picture book on cancer the following week. We try to prime Isabelle for what she may see on video calls. When Louis lost his hair, we had to show pictures and explain what had happened and then ask her not to laugh or to make comments that may upset Louis.

Isabelle in all honesty has been an absolute super star and has handled the situation pretty well so far. We have had a few moments mainly because she was a bit jealous of the presents but after explaining again the reasons, she looked forward to seeing what Louis received from people. She has also shed a few tears because she misses Louis and can't give him a cuddle. She definitely can’t wait to give him a big squeeze when we are able to all be together again.

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